A new person, T, joined the prison mindfulness group last week. Our discussion—and meditation practice—centered on painful feelings.
T shared this…
It's been hard for me to face difficult emotions. I took them out on other people or escaped into drugs. But when I finally looked at the hateful things people said to me as a kid (e.g., you're worthless, you’ll never amount to anything), I realized they weren’t true. I didn’t have to believe them. I just needed to hug that younger version of myself.
As he spoke, tears welled up in his eyes. He paused for a while, choked up.
M, another group member, brought him a roll of toilet paper (prison version of kleenex).
Another prisoner said, "it's okay, let it out."
T continued:
I felt emotional—just like this—when I first understood I could live differently. It's changed me. I like how we rubbed our arms during the meditation. It reminded me of my older sister rocking me when I was a child.
Whatever our upbringing, loving or traumatic, we've all experienced loneliness, shame, hurt, fear, and embarrassment. It's particularly hard for a kid. And it's the young child inside us who really wants a hug.
As babies, we're good. We're born good.
To live in this complex world, we develop unhelpful coping strategies, but our essence is good.
It's beneficial to picture ourselves (and the world!) as newborn babies. We all start out good. And we're trying to get back there.
Kindness is the pathway back.
Kindness inward, kindness outward.
Hug the wounded kid inside you.