We all want to be liked and respected.
Yet it’s draining to please people all the time.
Kindness and generosity are beautiful.
People pleasing is exhausting.
It’s important to remember that you have choices. You can start small and let go of seeking approval.
If this resonates, you might explore a few small practices this week...
Identify your needs and priorities
If you’re not clear on what matters most to you, it’s easy to get caught in people pleasing. Other people’s needs and priorities become your own.
Yet your needs matter. And your priorities shape your life.
Take time to journal on these questions:
What do you need on a daily, weekly, and monthly rhythm in order to be your best self? (To do your best work and love your people well.)
In small, doable ways, how can you prioritize these needs?
What do you value most in life? What is most important to you?
Is what you value aligned with your daily actions? Are there small, doable changes you can make?
Given your needs and priorities, where are you willing to compromise and where are you not?
Take time
Give yourself space to consider a request. When someone asks you to do something, don’t give an answer right away.
If you can, give yourself 24 hours.
See how the request feels inside you. See how the request fits or doesn’t fit into your life.
No extra apologies or explanations needed
After 24 hours, if the request doesn't feel good inside you, say “no” in a simple, straightforward way.
For example, “I have too much on my plate right now, which means I can’t help out this time.”
Or, if you know it’s a request that won’t ever work, say so: “Saturday mornings are when our family goes hiking, so it’s not a time I can help.”
If you find yourself giving extra explanation or offering an elaborate apology, take a pause. This isn’t necessary. No justification is needed. Be clear and kind.
Bonus practice: Notice in everyday life when you apologize for no reason or when you overexplain a situation. These are bells of mindfulness—little moments to pause and notice. What's going on inside you? What are you feeling?
Gradually practice letting go of the extras.
Empower your speech
Pay attention to words that minimize what you’re saying while speaking (or writing an email).
For example,
"Just"
"Kind of/Almost"
"A little bit"
"I could be wrong, but..."
It’s empowering to remove these words.
Your ideas and perspectives matter. Trust in yourself.
Be willing to sit in discomfort
The reality is that not everyone will like and respect you, which is often less about you than it is about the other people.
Relationships are complicated. There will be times when someone is upset with you.
If you’re clear on your priorities and feel you acted skillfully, then there’s nothing more you can do.
You can’t control the feelings and behaviors of another person.
It’s uncomfortable when there’s a relationship strain. Yet you have the capacity to sit in that discomfort.
Remember: You’re allowed to take up space in your own life.
It’s helpful to have a meditation for those uncomfortable times...
5-minute meditation
Your needs matter. Your priorities are important.
You can be kind and generous, and still say “no.”
If this resonated, you might enjoy The Pocket Pause—a free daily text with gentle reminders to pause, breathe, and come back to what matters.